Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Guttenberg Bible
No, that's not a typo. Let me explain. I had this dream where I was at the cabin, and I heard someone humming really loudly. I picked up a book that was sitting on the nightstand near me to throw at that person. I realized that the book was the Bible and that the person humming was Steve Guttenberg. He was outside the window, in only a beach towel, humming obnoxiously. I lean out the window. He looks at me and lifts up his towel to reveal his penis. He then proceeds to tie it into an elaborate series of balloon animals, and his final trick is to shape it into an approximation of the caduceus. I then threw the Bible and told him to shut up. He let go of his towel and yelled, "I'll be famous one day!"
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5 comments:
So let me get this straight...
Dream-you waited until after the wangstravaganza to pelt him with heavy objects?
-Z
That's about the, er, size of it.
Jake is coming in on Thursday, I believe, staying until Saturday. I'm coming in on the 19th and staying until the 26th. The week is fairly open for me, save for Thursday and Friday nights.
The reason you dreamed about Steve Guttenberg's cock is that you're probably standing on it.
Question: You had a string of hits in the 1980s. What have you been up to lately?
Answer: There are 100,000 actors in the Screen Actors Guild. Only 2,000 of them make more than $75,000 (£42,000) a year. That means 98,000 actors make less than $75,000 a year. From 1980 to 1990, I shot more films than any other actor in the Screen Actors Guild apart from Gene Hackman. Everyone keeps asking me that stupid question: “What are you doing?” I say: “Why do I need to do anything? I’m rich.” Do you want me to be poor again? Do you want me to go back to making tomato soup out of ketchup and water? Or would you like me to be a multimillionaire and be rewarded for all the entertainment I gave you for all those years? I’m enjoying life now. If I was a plumber and I’d done the most plumbing jobs between 1980 and 1990, everyone would be saying: “What a great plumber” - he says “f**k you to the world and he’s enjoying himself.” But for some reason, as an actor, you’re not allowed to say: “I’m f**king rich, bro.”
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