Saturday, March 31, 2007

Car Repair, the Iron Lotus, and the Restless Panda


After being in the body shop for four days, my car still isn't finished. I must take it back on Tuesday for an indeterminate length of time.

***

Glenn was kind enough to take me to pick it up at four thirty. I didn't leave with my car until 6:15. What was I doing all that time, you ask? Why, I was reading DUB magazine's latest issue. If you ever want to feel illiterate, I recommend reading a dense technical manual tricked out as a fashion magazine. There was no dictionary present. I recognized most of the words used by DJ Envy and Tony Hawk. Also, apparently, there is some kind of Spike Lee limited edition clothing line.

***

So, one of my highschool classmates myspaced me last week and let me know he was coming into town to present a paper at a marketing conference. We hung out. Went to see Blades of Glory--which is solidly funny--and discussed things I am not at liberty to discuss here, as I will be using them to my advantage against one or all of you at some point in the future.

It turned out that this acquaintance had been intrigued by my mentioning going to the San Diego Zoo with McKenzie on Thursday. Just as we did, he came to the conclusion that the panda is a terrible evolutionary pathway. But he, unlike McKenzie and I, braved the lines of people straining to see one. Apparently, there was a sign reading, "If the female seems restless, don't panic. She's just in heat!"

Which makes you wonder how many phone calls the zoo received:

"Um, hello?"
"San Diego Zoo. How may I direct your call?"
"I'm standing at the panda enclosure. I'm calling you from my cell. Can you hear me?"
"Yes, sir. I can hear you."
"Um. Well, this panda seems...I don't know. Restless."
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, it's pacing around, and I just don't know what it's going to do next."
"..."
"It's like some kind of caged animal, pacing back and forth. Looks like Brando, you know? Dangerous. Unpredictable. Bestial."
"...I'll let someone know right away."

Or how many times someone ran to find a zookeeper:

"You've...huhahuh...got to come...huhahuh...quick...ahuh..."
"Ma'am, what's the emergency? Catch your breath. What's wrong?"
"Panda...uhahuh...restless....secure....in a cage....danger to no one..."
"Oh, that. Right. Well, she's just in heat."
"OH SWEET LORD, NO!"
"Don't worry ma'am--it's completely natural."
"SOMEONE PUT AN ICE PACK ON THAT RESTLESS PANDA!"
"I'm not sure that would work, ma'am."
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
"Probably."

3 comments:

The Girl Detective said...

...I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was distracted by King Panda and his concubines.

W2E said...

Hello and glad to find your blog. Here’s a relevant article related to car repairs that I wrote a while ago – I thought it might be a good read on your blog as well:

If you are experiencing problems with your car, it is highly recommended to take it to a specialist. This article speaks about some basic information about car parts. If somehow you think you are good at fixing cars, just take a look and write down the parts you need to replace or simply repair. For those who don't know too many things about what's inside the car's engine, here is some basic information.

The spark plug wires have very important tasks inside the whole car system as these wires are carrying about 50.000 volts a second under a high temperature. This car part plays a crucial role because it harnesses thousands of volts and brings this juice to the spark plugs. Choosing for a high quality spark plug wire is very important because this way you are not wasting energy. The spark plug wire has to be replaced from time to time, otherwise it gets poor and can cause engine misfiring.

It is also recommended that you check the brakes regularly. Many specialists agree that heat treated brakes are very efficient as they resist better to fade and warping. Industry analysts are advising car owners to equip their vehicles with anti lock brakes. These breaks are considered to be lifesavers because they keep the car under control even under rough driving conditions. In order to maintain the brakes' highest performance you have to pay great attention to a proper periodic maintenance.

Belt and hose replacement are also needed to perform every once in a while. Those are rubber parts and contact with oil and high degrees temperature is imminent. In order to prevent premature damages it is recommended to treat the hose with spray silicone or any other rubber protector. You will also need to do a slippery treatment of the belt, which will prevent the gripping of the pulleys. Even with a periodic maintenance these car parts will fail because of the high temperature exposure. Specialists indicate a periodically inspection of these car parts in order to avoid the damage of the engine itself.

Proper fuel systems and air intake are also very important car parts that help the car gaining horsepower and torque. High quality fuel injectors and pumps are best for your car and if replaced from time to time will improve the ignition control performance and the horsepower as well. Your car will get an excellent throttle response making it easier to drive and to control.

A periodically battery inspection is also welcomed because if the battery is corroded you will encounter difficulties in starting the car or while driving in cold weather. It is recommended to keep the battery's surface clean in order to prevent a quickly discharging of the battery. For a best maintenance it is recommended that you cover the metal parts with grease to prevent corrosion. In order to recharge the battery, connect and disconnect the leads to the battery. It is forbidden to smoke or cause sparks during battery charging.

For more resources on car parts and car repair, here are some random manufacturers and models: Mazda parts and accessories, used Honda parts, Bentley performance parts, Audi parts and accessories, Acura parts and accessories, Buy Chevrolet spare parts, Porsche parts and accessories and Lamborghini accessories.

Regards,

Michael S.

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